Question Series: What to do if your spouse wants to join the military?

Question: My husband is considering joining the Army to be a helicopter pilot and I’m so afraid of that. The danger it puts him in, the military life in general, etc. In all honesty, I’m just a terrified mess right now, hoping to find something positive about it.

My response: Your fears are totally valid, but you’ve got time in your favor. If your husband joins, they’re not going to just throw him in a cockpit and say good luck. He and you will have time to see if it’s the right fit, learn how his job fits in the world of military life, and find a community that will uplift you through it.

That community and the joy he has doing that job are positive to look forward to. The thing about fear is that it is the anxiety of worst case scenarios, most of which won’t happen. I know people who’ve died flying helicopters and jet, so I won’t sugar coat the dangers. But I’ve also met some of my very best friends and have such a special connection with my spouse because of this life.

It’s definitely hard when your spouse is away and you’re left with the kids. I felt a lot of resentment, and honestly I still do at times. But I’m a firm believer that we, as women, have this innate ability to rise to the occasion. We are so much stronger than we know. Also, his decision to join isn’t just about him. You matter in this decision. So let’s dig into that.

There are a couple reason to join the military.

1. Deep call to serve. (family legacy, country crisis, childhood dream)

2. Financial (it’s a stable job)

3. Feeling stuck and need something to help get food in the door for some greater dream.

Where does he fall in those 3 categories?

Join the series: comment or email me (noelle.r.boyer@gmail.com) with your military family/relationship questions!