To the mother who thinks she needs to do it all, I want to help you redefine ALL. As I look back on how I survived raising two boys under three on my own while my husband was deployed for six months, I didn’t make it by doing it ALL. I prioritized.

I get praised constantly with phrases like, “I don’t know how you do it,” “I could never do what you do,” or, “I can barely handle life when my husband is gone for three days at a time!”

If your household is used to having both parents present at all times, when one leaves for a short period of time, it’s inconvenient. You don’t have enough time to establish a routine. You’re still running under the notion that your life must look the same way as it did when both partners were present. That’s exhausting for one person.

Since Ryan is gone frequently, I prioritize & create a simple routine for me and the boys around that. Here’s a quick glimpse into a typical day for my family:

6am: WAKE UP (My 3 year old rises promptly with the sun). In an ideal world, I am awake first. When I start my days awoken by my alarm clock instead of from a child, my mood is better, I am more energized and I often get a workout done before the afternoon hits.

6am-8am: Breakfast for the boys, PBS show/playtime.

8am-9:30am: My youngest takes his first nap. I workout while my oldest has independent play time. I try to take a shower before my youngest wakes up at 9:30 am.

9:30am-12:30pm: Play date with mom friends.

12:30 pm: LUNCH

12:40-3:30 pm: Boys nap at the same time, VITAL ME TIME (I nap, write, workout if I didn’t in the AM, catch up with friends on the phone, connect with friends on social media).

3:30pm-5:30pm: Play time at home. We may do crafts at this time. We also aim for baths during this time interval.

4:30 pm: I start dinner. This is Nolan’s time to watch one movie, typically Disney.

5:30pm-6:30pm: Dinner & Austin goes down for bed.

6:30pm-7:30pm: Nolan’s one-on-one time with Mom and Dad.

7:30pm: Nolan is put to bed.

7:30pm-10pm: Pick up the house, fold laundry, hang out with Ryan.

10pm: ALL LIGHTS OUT

No day is the same and my days don’t go perfectly. This is just my rough template for the day.