For those of you who don’t know, I went through hell trying to breastfeed my first child. It was painful, traumatic, and one of the hardest things I’ve done as a mom. When my second was born, things were looking good. Until they weren’t.

I couldn’t believe it was happening to me again. For some inexplicable reason, breastfeeding never worked for me & my boys. ⁣

My first go around with Nolan, I was devastated. I thought I did something wrong. Was it my fast labor, did I not drink enough water, did I have a tumor on my pituitary glands? I was counseled on all the above during my first year as a mother. ⁣

Let me tell you, those two inconclusive MRIs were really fun.⁣

This second time around with Austin, yes, I was disappointed. How could I not be? ⁣

Nurses, midwives & lactation consultants all told me I was doing great. Austin’s latch looked great. He was sleeping. He had wet diapers. ⁣

But when we were about to get discharged, his weight & glucose were too low. Formula was instantly given & my baby was finally fed. ⁣

Perhaps you saw my Instagram stories after this moment (you can catch them in my highlights), but in case you missed them, I was bullied by a lactation consultant to keep trying to nurse with the assistance of pumping & an SNS system. This basically means you feed your baby formula through small tubes while he’s pretending to nurse on your boob. It’s what I did for 5 weeks with my older son and it was hell. ⁣

I said “yes” to her persistence even though I knew deep down I didn’t want to go through that struggle again. ⁣

I remember feeling completely numb when she left to get the equipment. I felt shame, fear & guilt. All the things I swore I’d never let myself feel again if breastfeeding didn’t work for us. ⁣

Before that consultant returned I snapped out of my mom guilt funk. I called close friends who both encouraged me to boldly speak up for myself and my child. ⁣

Mamas, you’re best when you let go of the expectations of others. ⁣

When I told the lactation consultant that I was strictly doing formula she looked shocked and disapproving.⁣ But who cares about her opinion? From where I’m sitting, my formula fed baby is happy & thriving.⁣

I made the right choice for me, my husband & my boys. And I have no regrets #fedisbest