When You Use Deployment Against Your Spouse
Today is the last day I use Ryan’s deployment against him in order to win an argument.
It’s a low blow and that’s not how I want to get through our marriage anymore.
I need to let go of the resentment I’ve cast over him from lies I told myself.
Ryan didn’t abandon me for 6 months to escape his parental duties.
If he had the choice to stay home with his 10 day old and 3 year old—he’d choose us without hesitation.
I am his favorite person.
The truth is I fed that resentment. My pride was hungry for it. On hard days, that made me show up bigger for my kids. I didn’t want them to miss Ryan on those days. I wanted to be enough.
I see now that by building up my ego, I left little room for Ryan when he got home.
I thought it was fair to use, “I’m going to sleep in this morning because you had 6 months of mornings without children,” to get a few extra hours of sleep.
But it never was. It’s created a Me vs Him dynamic and I’m done with that.
Figuring out what the new normal looks like with your spouse after deployment is hard.
But here’s the thing: Deployment wasn’t a choice, it’s an unfortunate part of the job. At the end of the day, you’re stronger together as a team. So take the time to figure out what that means for you. You’ve got this.
Photo by Kerry L Photography