Getting “Me Time” with Kids
After my third was born, I struggled to feel like myself. I talked about the transition in my post, Going from Two Kids to Three. However, in that post I discussed “accepting that my former routines must be retired.” In those early week, I simply survived. I mourned the loss of myself as a mother of two—someone more able to give herself equally to her children. I caught myself being more distant to my husband because how could I separate myself in four ways when I at least knew how to in three. We started arguing more. I grew resentful of his time away from home either working or enjoying a hobby. The detachment was rooted in jealousy. I was jealous that Ryan has means to “escape family responsibilities” and “recharge.” I, however, did not have that safe for weekly “Bachelorette” viewing night with friends. Despite this, I still felt unbalanced. As much as I needed to create structure for my three sons days, I needed structure for me. I needed to weave in time to enjoy actives that helped me reset.
When you’re a stay at home parent, your needs easily fall to the wayside. From the moment you wake up, your job is to tend to the children and the house. You are the chef, entertainer, chauffeur, schedule writer, nurse and disciplinarian. When I dreamed of becoming a stay at home mother, I was excited about doing all the above. What I didn’t account for was the effort it would take to remain my vibrant self. I learned that when I put others first and don’t make quality time for yourself, I am not able to do the things I need to do for my family with joy and excitement. Instead the internal pull of my needs verses theirs wears me down. It’s true what they say, you can’t pour from an empty cup. I cannot be a great mother or wife, if I am focused on what I’m lacking.
I decided to make a simple list of 5 things that bring me joy:
Working out
Reading
Getting a meal with a friend
Going to the movie theater
Taking a bath
From this list, I aim to do at least 4 every week. I workout for 30 minutes and read at least 10 pages everyday. I make a plan to see a friend at least once a week. I end or start my week with a long bath.
This list and the successful outcome wouldn’t be possible with Ryan’s support and help at home. He is the definition of a partner and it’s made all the difference. Before, I was bitter about at his ease with finding time to enjoy hobbies. However, because he knows how much he needs time to fish, golf or hunt, he supports my need to do my “5 things.” Together, we make a plan to ensure that I get my “me time.” Specifically, we decided that Ryan would be in charge of putting our kids to bed. That means for an hour I can do whatever I need for me or I can leave the house to see a friend. This “off the clock” time also helped me ease into us spending quality time together after the kids are asleep (I’ll share more on that later).
If you’re a parent struggling with feeling life yourself after bringing a child into your life, I encourage you to make your own list of 5 things that bring you joy (outside of family time). Then discuss with your partner how he/she can help you get that time. This brought me so much joy and peace. I hope you can get that too.
